is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
