you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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