I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
