An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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