Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
