My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
