Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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