I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
