I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
