I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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