I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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