i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
