Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
