arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
