He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
