in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
