last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
