Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
