That's when you crack a 10am beer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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