I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
