Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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