She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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