Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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