goodnight i made you a song goodbye
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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