I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
