Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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