is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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