Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
