is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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