Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
