I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
time to smoke my breakfast
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
True strength comes from lack of pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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