god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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