I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As shirtless as possible
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
