Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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