im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
