good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
