I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The air taste purple.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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