you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
