the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
