oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
