the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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