Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
