my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
