My balls are so social today.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
