my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
