he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
