my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
