I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Be still, my beating vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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