I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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