I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
