I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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