Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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