i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
