I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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