Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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