and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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